New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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