he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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