I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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