So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
