i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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