YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
