just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
