He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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