i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
