hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
