420 ftw
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
