I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
