My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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