I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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