We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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