Kiss
Puke
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
