It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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