and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
