I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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