Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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