Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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