We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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