Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she woke up with a sticky ear
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
