i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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