I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize