Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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