well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
