my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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