one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
