I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
