Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
