party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Life without a bra equals bliss.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
