U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
