you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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