did you get engaged???
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
