the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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