I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
