I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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