put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm jealous of your bromance
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
