Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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