My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
