drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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