she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
