Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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