At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Randomize
