Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
