You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
