Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
