foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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