Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
