And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
