so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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