What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
