lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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