I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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