Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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