i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
