Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
