I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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