You can't motorboat a personality
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
