So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
