In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
