My hand turned me down
I just cut my nipple shaving
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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