Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Hippo gnu deer
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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