Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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