a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
