I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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