he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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