remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
