I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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