I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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