Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
