dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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