I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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