All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
