I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
