Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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