Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
