The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
