A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
