Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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