Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're my little dorito
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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