Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
